Sometimes I wonder why I don’t have a grey hair, wrinkles, or a heart attack! Our last two children were born in June of 2012, and August 2013. Tessa is two and Easton is 16 months old. Tessa knows she’s a toddler. I know she’s a toddler. She acts like a toddler. Easton is on the cusp of “I’m still a baby”, but he is tangled up in the actions of being a toddler. Either way you slice it, toddlers are babies that have out grown the cute cuddly newborn look, and can form words. They are cute, but scary as Haiti.

Babies scare the crap out of me! Between the little foreign objects they shove in their mouths and noses, the numerous crazy feats they climb, and pulling off outlet covers to stick metal in the sockets; babies are the scariest things on the planet! You bet your sweet buns if all of a sudden the house is quiet…you better run! Run into the rooms, until you find them; and see what the heck they are up to. 9 times out 10 they are climbing up the Mount Everest that is your furniture; or have found your favorite items you would have thought you put up high enough. Then, there are those exceptions that you have to check your pants, and slow your heart rate, because they scare the H.E. DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS out of you!

Like clock work, it never fails, if I have to go to the bathroom and didn’t have time to take the babies in with me I regret it. One time I came out the bathroom to find Tessa covered in Vaseline. That was a nightmare. She covered herself and the couch in Vaseline. Do you know how hard it is to get Vaseline off of your child? Forget the couch! You can wash the couch covers. Your child? Oh my goodness! Thank God, in the Heavens above, that Vaseline is NOT poisonous! But, the real nightmares begin when you have two tiny tots planning on their next adventure. I thought Vaseline was bad. I thought the flour, sugar, fish bowl, lipstick, oats, cereal, climbing tall cabinets, their admiration of our steak knives, and all the too many close encounters I don’t have time to list off was scary…Wait until you have no clue what it is that they have gotten into and is now all over them!

Last night I thought it was safe to go to the bathroom. Travis was at the store, and our older 5 were home. I know they got me covered right? I notice it is quiet, and I wash my hands nervously. I forgot I left my India Ink on the kitchen table in anticipation to getting back to practicing calligraphy. I am panicking as I wash my hands. I don’t even bother to dry my hands. I run out of the bathroom and I find a weird thickish, brownish-amber colored solution that has a weird and indescribable smell of possibly clove and oil all over Easton and his clothes. I look around and I don’t see any clue as to what this could be. He’s gagging, I don’t know what it is, and I don’t have time to do anything except get into “Mom Mode”.

I open his mouth to check if he had ingested it. I smell his breath and I smell that clove kind of oily smell. I look at the back of his tongue, and I see the amber brown color. I pick him up, and I run water over his eyes because this substance is all in his eyes, his hair, and his mouth. Without hesitation I stick both fingers down his throat to help him vomit. I am quietly, but productively; in panic mode. From there, I carry him and head to the living room to call poison control and possibly 911.

As I am carrying this baby into the living room my oldest comes to me with this little NesTea squirt bottle. She urges me to smell it. She’s saying “Mom it’s o.k. it’s this stuff here.” I smell the little container and sure enough it is NesTea, concentrated, and you squirt the stuff in a cup of water. Thank God! Oh, and Ewww! I was sooooo happy I about dropped to the floor. When everything came to pass that Easton was o.k. I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest. I was close to hyper ventilating. I began to laugh out of pure relief that Easton didn’t swallow something that could potentially harm him!

I know I say it time and time again, because I think that I can get away with 2 minutes of being out of the room, but I.will.never.leave.those.two.alone.again! Babies scare the H.E. DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS out of me!